‘I didn’t have support after leaving abusive partner so I made an app to help others’

A woman who was subjected to coercive control by her ex-partner has created an app that helps others flee domestic abuse.

Emma Davey, 34, developed the app called MyNARA after she left her abusive relationship with property developer Ashley Southgate.

MyNARA stands for My Narcissistic Abuse Recovery App and provides women and men with advice and support to end their isolation.

In November, Southgate was sentenced at Maidstone Crown Court for 19 months after admitting coercive and controlling behaviour.

The court heard how the 56-year-old would attack Emma over the course of six years.

She said: “It made me feel numb. So unloved and unimportant.

“He puts you on a pedestal and then knocks you off of it. It messes with your brain so much.

“He would say I was stupid, common, embarrassing and really make me feel unworthy.”

During their relationship, Southgate set up cameras in every room of their home and sent pornographic photos to Emma’s parents to humiliate her and them.

After she left him, he tried to contact her by phone and text up to 80 times a day.

The pair first met at the Village Gym in Maidstone, Kent. Emma recently moved nearby and was attending spin classes.

She was messaged by Southgate on Facebook, who invited her to an investment ball.

She said: “Ash was a really big character in the gym, a lot of people liked him and he was very charming.

“I didn’t think anything of it, it was nice for someone to reach out.

“Looking back, he saw a 26-year-old vulnerable woman – I was fresh prey for him.”

To escape the abuse, Emma fled to Australia in July 2019, where she studied and qualified as a counsellor.

She said: “I had become so dependent on him. I didn’t know how to function without this man.

“I was so addicted to the highs and lows.

“I knew I would be walking away with no money, car or job. I couldn’t imagine starting my life again. My confidence had been shattered.”

She added: “It got to a point where I’d either have to kill myself or go.

“I had to leave the country because I knew I could not remain and not be with him.”

A year later she returned to the UK and set up her award-winning specialist business, MyTraumaTherapy.

She said: “As a victim, I struggled to get support. Abusers isolate their victims from friends and family.

“The first counsellor I saw did not understand the nature of narcissistic abuse and my abuser charmed her into believing I was the problem.

“Specialist counsellors are hard to find, and too expensive for many victims.

“I failed to get justice for years because my abuser, like many, would destroy my phones and hack my computer to delete the evidence. Without this, the police would not prosecute.”

The app includes a 12-phase recovery programme, a journal to report incidents and permanent cloud storage.

People can store evidence of incidents, such as text messages, audio and video recordings and photos of injuries, in the MyNARA cloud.

No one, not even the user, is able to delete that evidence.

It is hidden on the user’s phone so that the abuser cannot see it. Even if they do, they won’t be able to access it.

Emma said: “Unfortunately the system is very backwards. Trying to get a case of coercive control to court where there is no physical or sexual violence is very hard.

“A lot of it is words, manipulation and gaslighting.

“I want to encourage people in the MyNARA app to start collating evidence as soon as they see red flags.

“You might start to see patterns in behaviour. It’s very easy to ignore these things.”

Southgate was sentenced to 19 months in prison but Emma says he has since been released.

She wasn’t made aware of his release until two months later.

Victims who want to take part in the 12-phase NarcArmour recovery programme, and those that need to store large quantities of evidence, are charged £6.99 per month.

As financial control is a common feature of abuse, friends and families are able to pay for the app on behalf of the victim.

Employers and charitable organisations are also able to buy access.

MyNARA, which was launched alongside technology company Bigspark, is not yet available on app stores but people can download the web-based app for free onto their phones.

The website includes vital expert information and advice for anyone who believes they, or a loved one, might be subjected to narcissistic abuse by a partner.

Visit the website here.