If you’re single and going to Italy, learn these five words

All the single ladies, all the single ladies. Respect. Beyoncé was quite right to flag them up. But if any of them are interested in changing their Facebook status this summer, I suggest they read on.

I have five little words that might not change their lives but will definitely ego-boost their holiday if they are heading to Rimini or Rome.

I know whereof I speak because as a force to be reckoned with, empowered singletons have nothing – nichts, nada and absolutely niente – on a happily married woman necking Aperol spritz in an Italian piazza and hellbent on Finally Getting The Flirty Attention She Deserves.

Say, in Sicily? Last week? Yes, Dear Readers, I had a brief getaway with a friend to the breathtakingly lovely and dramatic town of Taormina, setting for the second season of The White Lotus, apparently.

I haven’t watched either series because I’ve been too busy watching beautifully shot but entirely forgettable stuff on some other platform, Netflix being the 21st-century opiate of the masses.

I’d been to Taormina before with my family and mostly remember schlepping a sweaty, sleeping toddler about in my arms and feeling a bit put out at having to miss dinner. This time was going to be very different.

“This time it’s going to be very different,” l told my husband.

“Poor waiters,” he murmured, already ahead of me. “Don’t tell me; you are intent on necking Aperol spritz and finally getting the flirty attention you deserve?”

“Oh, right.” The man knows me too well. So much so that he’s more than happy to outsource the whole flirty attention thing on a semi-regular basis.

So I crammed every floaty, flouncy, plunging and sheer summer dress and ridiculously impractical pair of strappy heels I own into my carry-on suitcase – which turns out be a tardis when you’re not sharing it with nappies and enough Calpol to sink a battleship.

I even dressed up for the flight. From Luton. With Ryanair. Oh yes.

As Italian men are unrivalled when it comes to amorous wordplay, I carried out due diligence in advance. As a rule, I try to master one useful sentence in every language, usually “You are a disgrace to your nation”, for when taxi drivers try to cheat me. But on this occasion I needed a few words that would convey I was up for attention but – and this bit is important – not action. In that heat?

Joke. I expect quite a few of you menfolk are already judging me; knock yourselves out. Believe me, your wives are channelling their inner Thelma & Louise and wondering if they can ride shotgun next time. They get it. It’s about frivolity not philandering. Charm not carnality. After three decades, four dogs, two children, and a chameleon, I’m astonished I’ve still got so much as a batsqueak of mojo to call my own. Use it or lose it, people.

So I consulted the Neapolitan trainer at my gym. I was very specific; arch not wanton, sophisticated playfulness rather than full-on strumpet.

And so he told me. Two little sentences, five words. Wow. I mean, wow.

I’ll be honest, they weren’t what I would have chosen but they turned out to be ruddy catnip. I used my discretion as to when and where to deploy them – but when I did, accompanied by a raised chin, see how the barman’s eyes blazed!

At least two waiters hugged me. The maitre-d kissed my hand. I know, not ideal but lockdown’s over and any port etc.

Would I care for a complimentary glass of wine? Well grazie and saluti to that, Signore.

And the phrases? Here goes: Ti capisco bene… fai attenzione!

They translate as: “I understand you well… be careful!”

Nope, me neither. But there you go. Just enunciate like Sophia Loren at her most haughtily tempestuous and watch those sparks fly.

Culturally, never mind linguistically, it wouldn’t work anywhere else, of course. But that’s where you, Dear Readers come in; I’d love to learn the flirty phrases that worked for you so I can generously share them with All The Single Ladies. And the married ones as well…