Jake is a trans man. He froze his eggs. Then he met Hannah, a trans woman. Now they have two children

Back at home recovering, Mum and I discussed my new name. ‘I really like Chad,’ I offered. ‘Oh darling, that’s a country,’ she quipped, rolling her eyes.

We went over countless options, with Mum vetoing most. It felt important that she sign it off. When she suggested Jake it instantly resonated.

Hannah

I’d agreed to support an expedition to Malta, leading a handful of soldiers scuba diving. During my leave just before, I’d been out shopping with Lucy and spontaneously had my ears pierced with the smallest, most subtle studs, aware that we weren’t required to wear uniform for the trip and figuring I could leave them in for the required four weeks, then remove them after Malta. I hadn’t accounted for the ex-Special Forces Major who organised the expedition. He cornered me, then back in the UK my commanding officer ordered me to report to his office.

I steeled myself as the barrage began. The air turned blue as my integrity and ability to command were questioned. It was horrible.

I felt frustration, anger but above all a sense of injustice. I’d always put the Army first, hiding my true self, and it was all crashing down. Without planning to, I stated three not-so-simple words: ‘I am transgender.’

In that moment something seemed to give in the room. ‘I didn’t know that. I’m sorry,’ he said. I could tell it was heartfelt. I hadn’t intended to come out to him but I started to talk. Amazingly, he was sympathetic, adding, ‘Did you know that I am gay?’ I stared in disbelief. ‘I didn’t.’

I emerged with LGBT support contacts. Buoyed, I went to a GP for a referral to a military psychiatrist. I’ve always had this worry that I’m not trans enough to be trans because I didn’t fit the stereotypical model, so to find out a qualified psychiatrist agreed with me was comforting. 

The first day I went to work as Captain Hannah Winterbourne and a soldier saluted me with a ‘Good morning, Ma’am’, I nearly cried with joy. I’d been taking hormones for a few months by then. Mum and Dad were supportive too and if they felt any discomfort at my transition, they hid it.

After a year I checked into a private hospital in Manchester for breast augmentation and later I went through lower surgery, not something that I wish to dwell on because it is intensely personal. It was painful, with a long recovery time, but resulted in me being much happier.

In many ways, one could say that I had by now ‘completed’ my transition, but something was still missing: Romance.

One afternoon in December 2015, I was mindlessly scrolling Facebook when a friend request popped up. Jake Graf. I knew who he was; his acting career was taking off and he was in the upcoming film The Danish Girl.

I wrote him a note to say hello and 20 minutes later he was messaging back, sweet, innocent flirting.

He suggested a phone call but I’ve always had an insecurity about my voice being quite deep. But finally, after a week of online chat, I agreed.

He instantly put me at ease. He was charming, funny, very bright. Then he did something that had never happened to me: he invited me on a date.

Jake

We arranged to meet under the clock in Waterloo Station. Scanning the crowd, I spotted her: tall and slim with shoulder-length brown hair, nervously playing on her phone. I fancied her immediately. We both went in for an awkward hug, then started laughing. She had the most beautiful smile and a deep, throaty chuckle. By the time we’d finished our first drink, I remember feeling I’d known this girl for years.

Hannah

Time flew by that night. Jake suggested we go for dinner at a riverside sushi restaurant – my worst nightmare as I don’t eat fish, but I didn’t want to come across as difficult. As it turned out, Jake doesn’t eat fish either but loved it for the hot sake. We barely paused for breath during dinner, conversation flowed. His life seemed so fascinating – and worlds apart from Army life.

Jake

Our first date had lasted 11 hours. After we’d parted, catching the last train, I knew I wanted to see her again soon. Looking back, neither of us played it cool but if you know, you know. And we wanted to see where it would go.

Hannah

Jake was never a big fan of visiting me at the Army barracks in Tidworth. I think he found Army life an alien concept so in the early days I’d drive to London most weekends. Six months after our first date, I invited him to an Army ball. It was such a lovely feeling to arrive with a boyfriend on my arm.

Jake

I quickly understood that the Army wasn’t just a job for Hannah; it was a way of life. She was stationed two hours from me, but she warned me that that could change overnight. My last three relationships were long distance, which had been frustrating, so the thought of repeating that pattern scared me.

One night, I whispered, ‘Do you think there’s a world where you might leave the Army one day?’

‘No,’ she answered. ‘It’s my life. And I want to make Major.’

I tried to hide my feelings, to enjoy the time that we had. But we were falling in love and it cast a shadow.

Hannah

After a year or so, my priorities began to shift. The Army had given me a great start but then Jake came along and I had to make that decision for our future. Ultimately, I chose him. And when he proposed in the summer of 2017, during a trip to New York, I said yes immediately.